Sex with a chronic illness

Sex with a chronic illness

19th October 2018 2 By cara mccall

I wanted to call this post “Sex with M.E” but I felt that that would attract too many weirdos misreading it as “Sex with Me” so I’ll stick with “Sex with a Chronic Illness” instead.

I’ve always been super open about sex, it’s not something that embarrasses me or irks me in any way. I feel that it’s a huge part of life (life depends on it quite matter-of-factly) and it should be talked about as much as possible so you may see a few posts like this in the future.

I wanted to talk about sex, my sex life in particular and how it has changed since becoming more ill.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and have always had a very active and experimental sex life. It has been challenged lately because I’ve not had the same amount of mobility and energy as I did when we first got together due to M.E/C.F.S worsening. It’s extremely frustrating as a woman in her prime baby making years as all I want to do is have sex but a lot of the time my body just won’t play ball.

The biggest thing thats helped me and my parter is communication. It’s one of the most important parts of sex, well, consent and communication, the two big C’s. Discussing sex with your sex partner or partners is a key thing to do, discuss what your body can and can’t do, your expectations and their expectations. This works for any sex and not just sex if you have a chronic illness or disability. Sex can be sore and tiring if you are chronically ill or disabled so communicate with your partner or partners before, especially during and after sex to let them know what is and isn’t working for you. Let them know that when you say you’re sore that is when they need to stop and understand that you may not want to continue. Do not feel bad if you do not want to continue sex due to pain or energy levels and do not let your partner pressure you into continuing. You don’t owe anyone sex, sex is merely a bonus.

Sex is a very trusting act, emotionally and physically, but it can be even more physically trusting if you have a chronic illness or disability. You may have to rely on your partner to do most of the physical work but it’s not something to be ashamed of. Sex should be a fun and exciting act between people and not something that should upset or frustrate you.

Sex is whatever people make it, whether its solely foreplay, self pleasure, erotic massages, or just kissing, it really is down to a personal definition of what sex is to you. It can be as physical as you want it to be or it could be the most relaxing experience ever, you are in control.

Whatever sex is to you, stay safe and have fun.

Cara x